


Into The Firey Pit

by Psyga315



Category: Christian Bible, Fantasia (1940), The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Genre: Breaking Bad References, Crossover, Gen, Inspired By Interpretation, Nods To Paradise Lost, POV First Person, Paradise Lost references, Present Tense, The Divine Comedy references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 16:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2116587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psyga315/pseuds/Psyga315
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God goes down to Hell to personally ask his fallen Angel a favor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into The Firey Pit

Fire and brimstone, truly the right combination for my liking. I sit, swirling some wine before sipping it. I sit in my throne to relax to the sound of torture. That’s when I notice my realm is hit with a bit too much light. I turn around and I see the big man Himself. I keep it cool and wave to Him.

“Ah, hey there…” I say.

“Lucifer…” He says. I want to correct Him so badly. I dumped that name long ago and now go with another. However, it’s not every day God Himself shows up to my domain. So let’s cut to the chase then.

“What do you want?” I say.

“You were once my favored soldier. Now you are but a traitor…” God says.

“No. A ruler. And believe me, I am better to be a ruler than a soldier.” I say.

“Only for a holding bay until my son rises again.” Oh, right, His son. I could go on all day about my time with Him in the desert, but, again, I wanna cut to the point. Fortunately, it seems God shows His omnipotence. “I have come to ask you for one more favor, not as a commander to his soldier, but as a ruler to his fellow ruler.” I like the sounds of this.

“Hm? What do you want me to do?” I remember the time He granted me permission to make a guy’s life a living hell – not literally – to test his faith. Oh, sure, he kept his faith, but it was fun removing piece by piece of his beautiful life, only for him to rebuild it. I sit my wine glass down to my armchair and wait in anticipation for what He says next.

“I want you to take someone down to the deepest depths of Hell.” He says. I did the only sensible thing I could do: laugh.

“You want me to damn someone to Hell? You, the guy who is slow to anger, want me to drag someone down to Hell?” I ask.

“Yes, slow to anger, but I have shown that it’s not always the case.” The Flood. The Plagues. Legends state that God wasn’t always the merciful person we Angels know about now.

So whatever is causing Him to come down here and ask me to take this one person down to Hell must be pretty big.

“What’s so special about this person?” I ask.

“… He… He is a holy man.” Already I know where this is going.

“How many altar boys?” God gives me a glare, the same kind He gave when he cast me out.

“ _None._ Don’t be disappointed though, he still would make a good fit in the second circle.” Lust. Oh boy, I’m in for a treat.

“Ah, so, what is his sexual act then?” I ask.

“The Virgin Mary heard him pray to her. That he had found love in a woman half his age. One he had dedicated his whole life to murdering.” God says.

“A hypocrite, then? I have a circle for them.” I say. He shakes His head.

“He lusts for her. He slanders my good name in proclaiming a holy _crusade_ against her kind.” Crusade, now that’s a word that gets on His nerves. I had a lion’s share of soldiers in my domain simply because they went on one of them. So already, I have a clear idea of why He wants me to collect this man’s soul… But at the same time, I feel like there’s more to it.

“Shock! Slander against your name! Whatever shall we do!?” I chuckle, but God raises His voice.

“He murdered someone on the front steps of one of the holiest churches on Earth and almost murdered her infant child. And he had declared war on the cathedral just a minute ago.” He says.

“Yeah, I’d be pretty pissed too if someone turned my place of worship into a battle ground... or a market place.” I mutter the last part under my breath. I suddenly notice God stomp towards me, His feet making the sounds of thunder.

“ ** _LUCIFER! THIS IS NOT A TIME TO JOKE!_** ” I chuckle once more. God calms. “I’m not asking you. I’m _begging_ you. Reap this so called ‘righteous man’ and show him how ‘justly proud’ his virtue really is. If you’re too busy, I’ll just have Saint Peter deliver him for you.” Oh man, He really _does_ want me to take him.

“Fine, fine, I’ll take him. But, since you’re begging…” I say.

“… My son didn’t fall for your trick, so why should I?” Oh, don’t worry, You’ll find out.

“Your son’s also able to bring him back to Heaven. Remember, I’m just a holding bay for your little boy in blue.” I say. I can see God scowl. Might as well hammer it in. “Unless he is so irredeemable that he is mine forever…”

“Is that your deal? Something I would already propose to you? He will earn what he deserves, something that not even my son will be able to save him from.” Huh, seems He thought of the entire conversation before He even got here. Gotta think of something…

I got it.

“Okay, well, that’s not really a deal then if you’re already offering it to me. Remember, I’m the tempting snake, not you. But because you’re a nice guy and all, I’ll make this condition small-scale. Now, say my name.” I tell Him. It’s about time He gets it right. I can count the number of seconds it takes for Him to fumble about. Ten seconds, and finally, the one word I wanted to hear from my former master for so long.

“ _Chernabog._ ” I grin, my sharpened teeth shining in His face.

“You’re _goddamned_ right!” With that, I fly up to the world above me to reap my reward.

* * *

 

" **AND HE SHALL SMITE THE WICKED AND _PLUNGE_ THEM INTO THE FIERY _PIT_!!!** "

Oh, I am going to love this sweet, delicious irony.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by the interpretation that Frollo's death was caused by God going down to Hell to grant clearance to the Devil to enter his most holy cathedral and collect Frollo to drag him to hell. 
> 
> That inspiration furthered when I realized that Chernabog is the Disney equivalent of the Devil, to the point where the Nostalgia Critic even calls him that.


End file.
